When the man u love is telling u he loves u and wants a future with u and u feel like the pictures are staring angrily back at you. What I fear is to be a mistress and not fully in his other life. It wasn't that way with Julianna. Trying to talk ends up in a fight. Tell him that he is wonderful and caring and how happy you are to be together.
The dilema: While I know a relationship with anyone takes compromise, marriage is the ultimate commitment two people can make to each other. For it to work, the widower will have to put his feelings for his late wife to the side and focus on you. And mature enough to know a relationship takes compromise, and I am not set in my ways. Should I proceed with caution? How quiet i should be when he is on phone,how i should understand him and not him understanding me. You should not have to deal with her pictures all over the house and her ashes on the mantel. So, my thoughts are this. Things had been really good and to get this message was a surprise.
Tell him you want to share something with him about how you are feeling to see if you can work it out as a couple. What are your thoughts on this, please? It was like I was slapped— things were so awesome and he was so quick to say that. Thank you for any help you can offer me. He says he loves me and says things like — if something happens between us remember that I loved you. Now he says he will never marry me ever.
And how do I compare to that… I have just started dating a widower that lost his wife of 45 yrs 8 months ago — she was the love of his life! Have you been dating a widower? This is the first time I have dated a widower. You need to get clarity on what you need and want before that conversation…but have it. We had a great marriage, last 20 yrs as a Christian couple. Recently he spent a few weeks at my home. Most have not, because of the very issues you have raised.
I admit that as a coach who teaches women to date like a grownup, I assumed that it would be taken for granted that it is never okay to stick around and accept bad behavior or be treated like a doormat. People can be so insensitive. Make a decision what you are willing to accept. When I am in a relationship with anyone, I am committed, I give 110%, there is nothing or anyone more important than the woman in my life. He is committed to me. I am not the first person he has dated, but he has mentioned that he has not spent so much time with another woman since his wife died.
You have to decide if He is worth putting up with that. If his marriage lasted that long there must have been positive aspects. So often my clients ask about dating a widower. We were friends before I was married to Krista, and after her death, we reconnected. There are a lot of people involved. But I am his wife now and I expect to be treated as such.
I encourage him to talk to me about her and he does. But on a date the last thing you want is for it to devolve into sad stories about your past. You Remind the Widower of His Late Wife Widowers are naturally attracted to people that remind them of their recently departed wife. She must get some answers and then make an intelligent decision to wait or leave. Take a little time to heal but try not to ruminate and fill in blanks. Think about what you would be happy with and talk to him.
Encourage you partner to go to a therapist or grief group if you feel uncomfortable. Things are just now beginning to heat up. I have discussed having another relationship with my eldest son and daughter in law, they have been very supportive and feel that it would put some sparkle back into my life. His life in the here and now? I immediately felt comfortable and enjoyed his company. The last time we actually managed to meet for lunch. She shared with me that she never has anyone over to her place except one person, her sister in law.