In order to receive some , even as soon as your first meeting, here are five questions to present to your counselor: 1 Do you have any tests that we can take? Of all of the persons in your life that you have met and could have married, why are you choosing your partner? Will you have children and if so how many? If two people are marrying only because the woman is pregnant, the pastor may suggest their situation is not the best motivation for marriage and discuss other options. What size house is important and in what kind of neighborhood do you hope to live in both now and in the future? I am looking forward for your future presentations. Christian marriage is more than just marriage. Helping couples heal their relationships by first better understanding themselves is what I do as a Christian counselor. Why do you want to get married? Let's face it, life is busy, life keeps us moving in a million different directions and yet most of us recognize the importance of pre-marital counseling. Have you ever been sexually active with others? Ask the couple for their view about divorce.
These are good principles for couples regardless of how long they have been married. We had grown up in complete opposite types of families. This insight will be very valuable as you prepare and conduct this session. This approach can also completely stump the couple! Your life together will be filled with important decisions, trying times, and some conflict. Do you both expect to support the family financially and will that be different when kids arrive? Perhaps the most important thing you can do is to spend time with your future spouse. What rituals will you develop to reach out to each other after a big fight? This practical book is packed with wisdom and tips to develop a loving, supportive and mutually beneficial marriage.
Even if it weren't free, it is worth the investment! To keep everything organized, I generally use a Shared Google Doc. What are you doing to make sure you will not repeat the same mistakes? Includes a question or two, a resource or two, and scripture. How will you handle conflict or disagreements? Going through these topics can provide convenient structure for each session, and also helps the couple become methodical and strategic self-empowered in their own marriage. You are still very much your own person as well as a half of a marriage. I talk about this issue in a post on keeping the marriage fun. Find out if they have selected their wedding vows and if you could read them.
If you can do that then you will solve a lot of issues. I also try to make sure, as a minimum, the couple understands a few key principles prior to their wedding day. To the best of your knowledge, what is a Christian marriage? Read on the Pre-marriage counseling questionnaire and find critical premarital questions every couple must discuss before getting married. Marriage counselors are extremely qualified in walking you through the marriage counseling process. Ask your counselor how to best select a home church for your family or discuss how you will discipline your children. And yes, encourage them to go through pre-marital counseling — they never know what life will throw at them! What is it about your mate that attracted you? Do you agree that affairs of the heart are equal to a sexual infidelity? However, we had mixed thoughts about starting with topic number 1. What kinds of philosophies did your parents have about child raising and do you agree or disagree? Having gone through the book with your spouse, you should be familiar with each chapter.
You can pass the cost along to the couple. Schedule all other meetings, about one month apart, and outline what will be covered in each meeting. Why do you want to have Pre-Marriage counseling? The husband and wife must always see each other in the right role; not as mere man and woman, but as husband and wife. When do you plan to get married? Would love to have you in my side cause I find it difficult. Premarital inventories are commonly used to help with the counseling process. What did your parents model for you concerning who did what in the family? Have transparency in the area of addictions I know that it sounds like it should be obvious if someone has an addiction issue.
When the children get sick, how do you decide who stays home with them? This is the biggest red flag of all. It will be worth noting if the groom has taken steps of leadership in this area. I especially like that you address extramarital relationships, sex, and intimacy. It is kind of funny how God works because my vertical relationship changes me 1st and when I had a horizontal relationship, I wanted God to change them, I never looked up and saw the image of God, therefore I only reflected my need. Will you need to be close to your parents either as you get together now or as they get older? What kinds of expectations do you each have about money spent on toys, clothes, etc. Then we spend some time in each counseling session editing it into the form that fits their wishes, the facility where the ceremony will happen, and my capabilities. Listed below is a sample questionnaire.
This is a really great article. If you are waiting for the wedding night, incrementally discuss sex with each other more intentionally — engage a balance of your last season of fasting love-making with practicing physical intimacy on a level you and your partner decide on. It trickles in well and you are hitting points straight on the head. Are you interested in a crash course of your premarital counseling? My typical counseling calendar includes an introductory meeting followed by four sessions. Did you feel that was fair and do you expect something different? Money can cause a lot of stress in a family, and are one of the leading causes of divorce. If you are reluctant to give your approval, you need to communicate that to the couple.
I also have each couple make a commitment to counseling. Do plan on having children? During the time between the last meeting and this one, approximately one month , have the couple read one chapter each day. How do you determine if a new career path or job is reason enough to move? The use of premarital inventories are also not designed to dive deeply into the dynamics between you and your partner. This is a wise decision and one couples should not fear. It could be that your relationship is just fine, but you want to feel you left no stone unturned.
A thorough study of Genesis 2:18-24. What is there about your present relationship that makes it different from those past instances which did not last? Marriage is one of the most important commitments a person can make. Bill McRae makes a great suggestion in his book regarding Proverbs. Some save, some spend, some track, some figure it will all work out. Do you hope to leave a legacy after you die? Churches vary in how they approach premarital counseling. Should a husband expect or require his wife to submit to him when it would cause her to violate her convictions? The outline for this meeting should include the following. You may feel your partner is not committed to you.
Suggest that they read one of the books on finances listed in Section 11. For the 1st 6 months or so until he fell off the horse! Couples fly in from all parts of the United States to meet with Dr. My best to you, Dr. More than anything, premarital counseling aims to produce a marriage that is biblical and God-honoring. Sex allows married couples to become. We will celebrate our 40th anniversary this September.