And that debate alone merits a self-standing dialogue within the coloured community. Physical Identity Much like financial identity is often correlated with our ability to provide for ourselves and our families, physical identity often defines how we are capable of physically existing in the world. I hardly had enough time to feel the shock of the Dr words- I was numb from that moment on. My brother, father, son and sister gone, along with two more who I loved as much. It ignores the existence of every other Kenyan who does not fall into either the Kikuyu or Luo ethnic group. The first blog is simply enraging. Three years later my dad died following a brain bleed in his sleep from which he never woke.
This can be because of a death or just at different moments in life. He was an Eagle Scout, a member of his high school state championship football team , and the picture of health. We made such wonderful plans and now nothing is the same for me. Still trying but exhausted and tired of it all. Life can easily go on without me. And in time we may get to create another impermanent identity.
Nobody called us when he died, the police screwed the case up so bad, his car and motorcycle were stolen, etc. I no longer believe what i believed before. If I have been a teacher for 40 years, it is an adjustment to conceptualize who I am and what gives my days structure and purpose if I am no longer a teacher. I took a job as receptionist in an office after my son died. Or that babies with her circumstances do not survive the birthing process. An illness, injury, and even aging can take a serious toll on the physical self, leading people a physical loss of identity that can sometimes be accompanied by a loss of self-worth.
We did not have any children and now it is as if he never existed. Only God can forgive sins. She has every right to grieve. It also assumes that one can not fit neatly into both ethnic groups. I have experienced this arrogance several times.
I actually think about it often; how would I handle it if after nearly 50 years, retired with children grown, who would I be at all and how well would I deal with that loss—or would my own life be simply over? Someone even mentioned an 18-month rule where for some reason at that point in time we who have had losses are somehow cured of the impact of the death. I get angry with my family; why did they leave me? I could ramble on about where this comes from philosophically, but that it not the point. It is the piece of my identity that is based on my relationship with another person. I am continually filled with gratitude for the time I was given to meet Sophia face to face. For the first time in my life I feel frightened and very much alone and this is harder to deal with it seems with than the losses themselves. And I realized she probably said that to help ease her guilt of not calling and going on with her life after the first few days… Life does get busy for everyone and how many times have I done the exact same thing?!? We have always been the parent, the protector, and now we are nothing—it simply knocks the air out of us. After a loss we hear many people describe everything from a crisis of faith to an increased sense of spirituality.
And when you grow up having the people you love beat the shit out of you, the only thing left to cling to is familiarity and certainty. Any illusion of control I thought I had was shattered the moment my heart was pierced with the knowledge my son had died. Writing is my only release I guess. And my nephews and nieces need to be able to know the contribution of coloured people to this country in a way in which I, shamefully, do not. So, perhaps I am a sister, a daughter, a wife, a friend, a mother, and on and on.
Many black Africans I know have racist attitudes to coloured people. It is the secondary losses that happen like dominoes falling, creating far more to cope with than just the primary loss. All any of us can do is to live this day, this moment with passion and meaning. This stuff has not vanished. Nothing is fun without him.
We receive the Lord by His own self definition. Predictability offers an illusion of control to the powerless. Up until then and even during his sickness over a 5 year period I had loads of friends checking in and calling me. And we have not yet closed those divisions. Once safe aboard another boat, we are left shivering and lost, as we watch the pieces of our lives being swept away by the aftermath of the storm. I asked her why that mattered and she went all to tell me that these days it is important to know once tribe so that you are careful on what you say to them.