For more information about dealing with sexual pressure, you can take a look at this from sexual health charity Brook. My boyfriend is usually really good about asking me about what I like, and I do my best to return the favor. If your partner is doing A, which you like, but you like B more, do you say no or yes to A? An increasingly poignant thought is that this is correspondingly responsible for couples who have been together for a long time losing sexual interest in one another: they have known each other too intimately and too well humanly to achieve arousal in the objectifying fashion by which they have been conditioned. But check out what some of the specific objections she heard were. I think the focus is more on building health sexual encounters between those who actually give a damn.
So what do you think, Wise Ones of Persephone? That was something that stuck with me. In my personal opinion, I see most of the application of enthusiastic consent in how you should approach relations with a new sexual partner, or when you are wanting to try something new. If we are all engaging in the asking and telling of what we desire than we can also clearly point out instances for ourselves when our line was pushed or directly violated. Since consent is now in vogue, app developers have done what. Most of us start to question it, and break it down, and hopefully reject it at some point, yes. Most importantly, do not force them to go further than they want to or continue trying to initiate contact where it is not reciprocated. Elfity Elfity, so named for her tendency to be a bit uppity and her elf-like appearance, is a graduate student and professional Scary Feminist of Rage.
My first experience with this sort of opposition was at the conference I mentioned above. I think that before a certain point in your life, you still think sex should be like what you see in a movie regular romantic movies, not porn where two people are overcome by passion and fall into bed and have the most amazing night of their lives and everything is just naturally perfect. I would say the best thing to do is to ask these people. I cannot understand why you reject enthusiastic consent as a feminist issue. Because she has fucking got it. I think a checklist is a nice place to start because it gets a conversation going before any clothes come off and builds up trust.
Your argument for it not being a feminist concept seems to hinge on the idea that it has failed to appeal to the feminist movement as a whole, but why does the majority need to have wholeheartedly embraced it for it to be a good, feminist idea? Anyway, I definitely got Those Looks again. So how do I know if my partner is enthusiastically consenting? The point is largely to break down gendered assumptions about who plays what role in a sexual encounter, so that enjoyment can be had b both parties rather than just one. Funny or not at all that our sexualized society uses almost no effort to teach something as fundamental to pleasure as feeling safe and listened to. Why are those people reluctant to use that framework for their sexual experiences? And then we hit the enthusiastic consent barrier. I am really ungood at beingÂ vulnerable, and relaxing when someone is touching me. I strongly suspect this is why both men and women, during discussions about consent, express the sentiment that asking permission is a turn-off: it forces them to switch gears, because they have separated sex from love. Enthusiastic consent is saying through your body language, words and expressions, that you are enjoying sex, you want it to continue, and are therefore consenting.
Controlling and disrespectful and ugly. In a long-term relationship there are a lot of factors that might tip a person off. Wow, the comments here are fascinating. Maybe we think, due to so many cultural and social factors, that we are entitled to something that we are not. And I think someone saying what they would like to do next could be super hot. Are you having to try and convince or cajole your partner into doing what you want to do? I was giving a presentation to a rather small audience, which I was grateful for as it allowed for discussion.
Well, people seem to have a problem with that whole enthusiastic consent thing. You might need to talk it over. Nobody wants to have unsexy sex. The best sex comes when everyone involved is really into it and having a good time. If you want to learn more about enthusiastic consent, you can take a look and. Then it became just a matter of course. Now, in a room full of feminists and feminist-allies, I was not expecting to get any argument on this.
I definitely agree with Silverwane about mass media not portraying enthusiastic consent enough. What do you think is necessary? We also have to look at the context: in most of our cultures, justice for victims and survivors of rape is sadly lacking and even when cases do come to court, they often rest on presumed, rather than explicit, consent. So what is enthusiastic consent? A few days ago I did a class presentation on a similar topic, and next week I will be giving the same presentation for a research symposium. . Instead, this particular partner continued to try to initiate sex multiple times over an hour.
My next experience, giving a class presentation, fared slightly better. The thing is, I never said it was easy; I said it was necessary and important if we are going to move forward. Kyriarchy refers to the web of overarching, intersecting oppressions. You do not always have the reserves to fight conditioning at every single moment. Having these conversations always resulted in a lot more trust and intimacy than previous sexual encounters where it was just two bodies smushing together. I never heard of Enthusiastic Consent as a proper term, to be very honest. Â We also often ask the other if there is a particular thing they want to do that time.
Most of the experiece was quite positive, and I got a lot of great feedback. Learn to pay attention to physical and verbal communication — ask questions, make sure your partner is happy and comfortable. We often promote our favorite Community posts on the main site. This is the type of campaign that is meant to highlight the cultural assumptions that we bring into the bedroom. I know I may get some disagreement on that, but I think it is very true.